Sunday, 22 April 2012

Daemons, elves and black holes

 I have irrefutable proof that all these things inhabit my sewing room - and I have concerns that there might also be many otherworldly creatures that lurk under the table and behind the curtains that may not even have earthly names yet.

The elves or leprechauns or faeries, or whatever they may be are NOT Disney-like or cute - they are malicious wee gits whose sole purpose is to cause chaos and wreak havoc.

I am a relatively sane human being; I approve of  the progress and advancements made by science; evolution makes sense to me, but somewhere deep down in my psyche there exists the apprehension and belief of Little People. It could be my Irish ancestry and all the mythology that surrounds these emerald isles, but too much has happened recently for it all to be coincidence or accident. What's worse, I harbour fears that these wretched creatures live in YOUR sewing room too.

Let me explain......

When I bought this box of extra-long flat-headed pins it was full, maybe 100 pins - now look at it! I know we all drop pins and needles and that could explain the loss of a few, but more than half a box has vanished. And where are all the blue and green ones? The elves only stole those colours and left the reds and oranges.



Whenever I buy, am given or otherwise acquire ribbons, tapes, braids and trims I roll them up neatly in little tubes and secure with bent pins. They look like this.

This makes me feel very pious and homely because I have a use for bent pins and I make little rolls of happy, colourful, Little House on the Prairie sort of things, that look beautiful all curled up together.

However, whenever I go to locate the trim I know is in the drawer - look what has happened!

I didn't do this - someone (or something) else must have!

I'm not even going to show you the thread box - it's poltergeist stuff - but I'm sure you can picture it. You just know I wrap all the thread ends neatly back on the spool and place it in colour coordinated dividers.

And it doesn't stop there: the machine itself is definitely possessed.

Blown bulbs on the sewing machine
Needles in the machine BACK TO FRONT
The machine threaded the wrong way
The tension loosening as I sew

Dear readers, you have no idea what evil spirits I'm up against. And it's not over yet.....

This is my fabric box. It's an old Lloyd Loom blanket box that my mother was given at a house clearance.  I love the 1950s fabric and the whole originality of the thing. Many people think it's ugly (DH to be precise) but tough, I like it and it is incredibly useful especially since the bad Americans made me buy so much fabric - now I have somewhere to keep it.

 When new fabric arrives in the sewing room it is welcomed warmly and made to feel at home. It is stroked and draped and talked to, especially if it has had a long and arduous journey from the other side of the world and is feeling a little jet lagged. Sometimes it is given a warm, soapy wash and dried in the sun if it needs it but if not required immediately it is folded neatly like this and put to bed in the blanket box with all its other friends.

After a while as I have thought about the best pattern as the best partner for the fabric (hopefully) I go to select the little bundle and this is what greets me........

 Not a fold in sight! Needless to say I didn't create this mess - and it's getting harder to say "It just happened" and actually believe it - there have to be dark forces at work here.

Stephen Hawkins should do his research into the Big Bang in my sewing room because it has a black hole, along with all the other stuff. The black hole moves around because I haven't actually located it yet, but I've narrowed it down to floor level.

The other day I dropped my yellow tailor's chalk and it has vanished! No where to be seen. Dropped bobbins similarly disappear, small pieces of tissue pattern float off the table downwards and evaporate into thin air.

Unfortunately the black hole does not suck in threads, dust or scraps of cut fabric - it seems to be particularly fussy when it comes to that sort of thing.

 If you, or know of someone, who is suffering this sort of malignant possession maybe we could get a global exorcism organised to send these spirits back to wherever they came from and let us in the mortal world just get on with our sewing without the distress and torment of dealing with creatures from the other side.

Thanks for reading and may your sewing space be filled with sweetness and light. Ruth


  1. This just weirds me no end.

  2. I love this post - however I am pretty sure some of your bad spirits have made their way over to not so sunny Essex too.

    1. I was worried this would happen- sorry.

  3. Fun post. You should see what the gremlins do in my studio! Horrible!!

  4. So glad to see that it is not just something I brought in the moving van with me. I put up a baby gate thinking it was the wee ones (feline and enlongated pup) but it doesn't seem to be just from them. Yes, one cat likes elastic and thread batting, but I have never seen any of the dogs with a tomato pin cushion on their wrist. It is inexplicable. So as a creature of puritan origins, I will blame demonic forces.

    1. It's always best to blame something else- culpability lies elsewhere

  5. Yours seems benign compared to the malevolency unleashed in my sewing room (okay, in my whole house.)

    1. Hang a garland of garlic over the door it can't make matters any worse